I need to go back....

See am a Christian. But lately i have not been a very good one. (..and by 'lately', i mean the past year or so) Am indiffrent to my christianity. I experience no regret for past errors. I lead a mediocre life. Am not ati REBELING, but am just not on the right track. On a VERY SLOW, VERY GRADUAL DOWNWARD SPIRAL!!! And those are the worst typa downfalls, where you've been sitting in the murk for a while before you feel it soak through your pants. I am, at the core, an artist.. But i don't draw anymore.. Neither do i write anymore. The reason, i lack inspiration... from the Giver of this 'gift'. My school work's JUST AVERAGE (sometimes below) cause i lack ZEAL for anything, the FREAKING INDIFFRENCE has sipped into every aspect of my life. I am in a relationship which jus don feel right, but lack the balls to do anything about it. Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend, ONE OF THE GOOD ONES, i just don't feel that 'peace' that comes with knowledge that your with 'THE ONE.' And if your wondering, what i mean by 'the one' isn't some random bratha in my fairy tale... But he's the Man standing next to me AS i fullfil GOD'S PLAN FOR ME!!!! Simple as that. And this man ISN'T 'that man', not to take away from his stature as a person, but he just isn't! And with all this, i know..... I struggle to do what i need to.


I NEED TO GO BACK TO MY LORD....