Solitude, for a moment

Am sitting on a bench next to my campus.. In the afternoon sun. I've just shower'd and am really likin' this moment. I can feel everything... My toes are kinda warm and slightly swoll from the long hot shower i took. My thigh muscles are twitching slightly from walking. My tummy rumbles cause am HUNGRY!!!! My back aches... Well.. Dunno why. But am liking this moment.. Where normal sights and sounds feel new, different.. Exciting. The sun on my face, and wind brushing my skin. Trees, flowers, birds, insects... Nothing i haven't seen before.. But feels new..
I like this moment..

... Off to Eat!!!

Human Becoming

Human Being
As is, always will be
Present
Constant. Unchanging.
Stagnant
Static

No, i don't wanna be

I am HUMAN BECOMING.

HE don't grasp the magnitude..

At a point there i had lost it.. Had lost my creativity, my ability to WRITE, my ability to DRAW!!! And consequently my ability to vent, to grow, to learn, to expand, to FEEL. Was stuck in some typa limbo.... nothing extreme or important... No, extreme feelings or opinions... And it was EXCRUCIATING!!!!!!!!! So having it back is like being given my SOUL back on a silver platter.(sorry for more melodrama, but its true) So am so much happier now... cause when i pick up a pencil i stain the page with some sensibility, and when i read it over, or look it over i don't wanna tear it out.

So with this WONDER back i obviously wanna share it with HIM, the person who loves me and i share myself with. But HE don't appreciate it, HE don't understand the importance, HE don't see that this is WHO I AM on a piece of paper. And forgive me if i am wrong, but i thought that with love comes a yearning to get to know the object of that love... But HE misses out, by postponing to read, by inappropriately bringing it up, by saying nothing after... No more. Its too hard to share yourself as it is, don't have to add my deepest thought and yearnings to the equation... Nah, i can't handle it. But i also know that cause i love HIM too, i also want HIM to not only get to know me, but i want HIM to WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME, my deepest nooks and crannies. But if HE don't grasp the magnitude, i will not put myself through that, it hurts more than NOT being known. Maybe one day it will SLAP HIM (hard!) in the face... Maybe.

ramblings....!!!!!!!

..well life as i know it is quite wonderful. I is really enjoying it. The past year has been life-changing! Now, don't think that some thing of catastrophic scales occurred...has been small, still, deep changes. That were all the same life-changing. not even necessarily even physical change, although am starting to gain my weight back (YAY!!!) but this the typa change i FEEL more than you SEE!!! In fact, we'd need to hand quite a bit for you to see it, and even then ain't making any promises. But am laying the final stones of my foundation...

And with this change, it seems comes upheaval of previous systems... Like i have gradually dropped about 94% of my friends, am not sure about my opinion on Church and all the religious bureaucracies and expectations that come with it... it seems too HYPOCRITICAL and unnecessary, as human beings we have tried to fit God in a box we have measured and seen we can handle. We have added so much to Him, and in doing so have taken away from His majesty, which He already simplified. Cause He knew we are to simple minded to fully understand Him (or maybe cause he knew He was to complex 2B understood or quantified) ...anyway that's an opinion still in the fortifying... so feel free to tell me yours.

I am also on the constant, unsatisfiable search to experience EVERYTHING!!!!!! ALL BOOKS. ALL COLOURS. ALL MUSIC. ALL ARCHITECTURE. ALL THEORIES;physical, biological, illogical. ALL TEMPERAMENTS. ALL CLOTHES. ALL POSITIONS... EVERYTHING!!! So if you come across something interesting...
am currently on the Paulo Coelo tip, with 'Brida' then 'By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept'


Plus.....VERY WONDERFULLY i began to write again. was worried for a bit that would not be able to get back to it...