Just A Band - Highway

Fly! Fly! Fly Away.... Ha Ha, no you can't!!

Today i saw g fly (nzi) spining on its back. It was spining so fast, twas going "nzzzzzi"

Very Funny.

Barcelona!

I wanna!!
The Art, Architecture, Music, Words, People, Places!
I absolutely LOVE IT!!
the Structure
the Erotic
the Reliable
the Romantic
the Rules
the Abstruction
the Technicality
the Creativity ....i want it ALL...

Drink from the cup, ALL CUPS!!
Enjoy Life, & Love.
Colour & Grey, Brown, Cream.

I want to be both people.
I want to live both lives, but like one...
With One.
Who GULPS DOWN LIFE, like i would like to.
Wanna argue loudly on the street
(already do)
Wanna make love everywhere
(already do)
Wanna live in a villa in Barcelonian country,
with a bicycle to ride down the road.
Wanna have a Studio, Gallery, Dark Room, Wild Garden, Books books.
Wanna wear a dress as the wind blows the flower in my hair.

Want all that,
but also to invest in the stock market,
buy a house,
know the technicality behind the structure...
behind the beauty.

I want both of it....
Both of this worlds always so SEPARATED.
Wonder why... Cause as a human being i ABSOLUTELY NEED both aspects in my life..

Otherwise, i'll feel like i never fully lived.

Wanna always discover, But having the solidarity of something(one) i know,
and discover with.

..hope i can.

Solitude, for a moment

Am sitting on a bench next to my campus.. In the afternoon sun. I've just shower'd and am really likin' this moment. I can feel everything... My toes are kinda warm and slightly swoll from the long hot shower i took. My thigh muscles are twitching slightly from walking. My tummy rumbles cause am HUNGRY!!!! My back aches... Well.. Dunno why. But am liking this moment.. Where normal sights and sounds feel new, different.. Exciting. The sun on my face, and wind brushing my skin. Trees, flowers, birds, insects... Nothing i haven't seen before.. But feels new..
I like this moment..

... Off to Eat!!!

Human Becoming

Human Being
As is, always will be
Present
Constant. Unchanging.
Stagnant
Static

No, i don't wanna be

I am HUMAN BECOMING.

HE don't grasp the magnitude..

At a point there i had lost it.. Had lost my creativity, my ability to WRITE, my ability to DRAW!!! And consequently my ability to vent, to grow, to learn, to expand, to FEEL. Was stuck in some typa limbo.... nothing extreme or important... No, extreme feelings or opinions... And it was EXCRUCIATING!!!!!!!!! So having it back is like being given my SOUL back on a silver platter.(sorry for more melodrama, but its true) So am so much happier now... cause when i pick up a pencil i stain the page with some sensibility, and when i read it over, or look it over i don't wanna tear it out.

So with this WONDER back i obviously wanna share it with HIM, the person who loves me and i share myself with. But HE don't appreciate it, HE don't understand the importance, HE don't see that this is WHO I AM on a piece of paper. And forgive me if i am wrong, but i thought that with love comes a yearning to get to know the object of that love... But HE misses out, by postponing to read, by inappropriately bringing it up, by saying nothing after... No more. Its too hard to share yourself as it is, don't have to add my deepest thought and yearnings to the equation... Nah, i can't handle it. But i also know that cause i love HIM too, i also want HIM to not only get to know me, but i want HIM to WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME, my deepest nooks and crannies. But if HE don't grasp the magnitude, i will not put myself through that, it hurts more than NOT being known. Maybe one day it will SLAP HIM (hard!) in the face... Maybe.

ramblings....!!!!!!!

..well life as i know it is quite wonderful. I is really enjoying it. The past year has been life-changing! Now, don't think that some thing of catastrophic scales occurred...has been small, still, deep changes. That were all the same life-changing. not even necessarily even physical change, although am starting to gain my weight back (YAY!!!) but this the typa change i FEEL more than you SEE!!! In fact, we'd need to hand quite a bit for you to see it, and even then ain't making any promises. But am laying the final stones of my foundation...

And with this change, it seems comes upheaval of previous systems... Like i have gradually dropped about 94% of my friends, am not sure about my opinion on Church and all the religious bureaucracies and expectations that come with it... it seems too HYPOCRITICAL and unnecessary, as human beings we have tried to fit God in a box we have measured and seen we can handle. We have added so much to Him, and in doing so have taken away from His majesty, which He already simplified. Cause He knew we are to simple minded to fully understand Him (or maybe cause he knew He was to complex 2B understood or quantified) ...anyway that's an opinion still in the fortifying... so feel free to tell me yours.

I am also on the constant, unsatisfiable search to experience EVERYTHING!!!!!! ALL BOOKS. ALL COLOURS. ALL MUSIC. ALL ARCHITECTURE. ALL THEORIES;physical, biological, illogical. ALL TEMPERAMENTS. ALL CLOTHES. ALL POSITIONS... EVERYTHING!!! So if you come across something interesting...
am currently on the Paulo Coelo tip, with 'Brida' then 'By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept'


Plus.....VERY WONDERFULLY i began to write again. was worried for a bit that would not be able to get back to it...

..been a while!

Greetings Earthlings!! Your leader has returned... Pwahaha! Nyhoo has been a very looong while from when i last pushed some buttons. Had abandoned blogging for a bit... Still not sure if am back, but like that have a place to write whatever. So will see if this a come back.. So much has happened, kept thinking should blog about this, should blog about that.. But hey! Tough. Will see if can get back to it.

Be A Succulent Wild Woman.

Be delicious. Eat mangoes naked. Lick the juice off your arms. :)
Discover your own goodness.
Smile when *you* feel like it.
Be rare, eccentric and original. Descrice yourself as marvelous.
Paint your soul.
Investigate your dark places with a flashlight. :)
Make more mistakes.
Tell the truth, faster. Celebrate your gorgeous friendships with women.

Diary Entry

2nd year Architecture SUCKS!!!!! Loadsa Work!! But at least tha projects be intresting.

WENT TO A STRIP CLUB!!! With actual naked women..OMG!!! Its shockin at first, then slides into boring, then GROSS! But hey, they makin paper, huh? :\

Get blazed at least, twice a week now.. Mari and her friend Juana, and maybe a shoot or two.
HE really hates this..

Had wild, rough sex...NYAM!!!!! Have to do that again...

Nursed my FIRST HANGOVER EVER, this Saturday. Ouch!!

Have a New COOL Roomate!! She Rocks!!!!

Want anaa tatoo..

Ok.. Sina Mambo! The END!! (...real cool ALBUM!!)

HE's Back!!! :)

Am in Studio, starting the trans-nighting for today.

And, i have HIM back...!! I have HIM back.

We was always fussing and fighting... Coza this.. Coza that.. EVERY-DAMN-DAY WE FIGHTING!!! Cause HE all irritated by Kenya (..nope, HE ain't Kenyan...) HE has some VERY SERIOUS homesickness. :( ...but HE's BACK!!! Woop! Back to the man i find easy to love... Cause even this past month or so... Its been hard.. Hard to Love HIM, but turns out, you can't turn that shit on and off..hihi!

Not sayin i'll bail when 'thing R thick' jus saying... You know, errbody enjoys the times when its easy.

My Classmates and i.. Love randomNess.. No.. We THRIVE on it!! Random Pizza, Random Roadtrip, Random Detour... Today we RANDOMLY decide to DONATE BLOOD!!!!

Hehe.. And i roll'd last week.. And haven't eaten the whole day.. BUT AM STILL STANDING.... for now.

..ama be that typa girl, as well as that typa girl.

Just heard 'the boys' talk of a time before HE was 'mine' ...a time when HE used to curse, listen to only Lil' Wayne, and dress all G-Dawg-Gansta....

At that time HE saw a fly mama and said how HE'd like to "...bend that over...."
..i laughed, but was shocked also. Cause the HIM i know, my HIM wouldn't say that.. Then started getting sad.. Cause.. You know... Didn't wanna be the girl who totally changes HIM.. And HE wants to bend who over?!

HIS boy says i sucked the life out of HIM...

I snap outta my almost mopping, remind HIM who HE want to 'bend over' ...and my response was..
"But you enjoyed it..?!"

Shit Of a Wednesday!!

Its 8months today.. But feels like TWO years.. Am having a SHIT of a day!!!! And HE's the one who nini's anniversaries.. Thus thought HE'd make me a bit happier... Am having problems with where i stay, so woke up to that... Then am BROKE AS HELL... I get to class (...finally..) and HE's all moody touchy touchy... YUCK!! So RM tells HIM about the crap we getting... And HE starts MAKING NOISE FOR ME!!! WTF??! Saying its apparently unfair that i assumed (i say gathered) HE's in a bad mood nyof nyof...! WTF?? Nigga, i gatst things on my mind, and you wanna add your BS?!!! HE's supposed to make me feel better... But No!! HE's always so damn combative when i approach HIM, then HE wonders why its so damn hard for me to talk to HIM when sumn buggin me.. DUDES ARE DUMB!! Every time am bugg'd HE focuses on that i find it hard to talk... But HE's not talk-to-like.. At least in the moment am bugg'd! I HATE THIS!! Dunno how to make HIM understand.

This post shoulda been before 'Gagets N Designers... That's how it happened..

WOOP!!! Went out last Thursday.. Wait this Thursday.. No, last Thursday.... Did some preliminary preparations, smoked a bit.. Sip! Sip here. So by the time was at the club was already laughing histerically and was all wobbly and giddy. Every jam was MY jam!!! AND I DANCED!!! Danced to EVERY song, the whole night... was one sip away from dancing on the table... FUNTIMES!!! Yes, indeed!!

Altho, me ain't no drankard, but today was just 'girl gone wild' But was stupidly drinking Reds, and only 3 cans was enough to get me hiiiigh!! WOOP!!

Not dancing for the next year...

But at least, NO HANGOVER!!! Again, this Thursday-maybe even tomorrow.

GaGets & DeSiGNeRs.

Inadequecies... Seem to be pointed out a lot lately... We hang together, but HE and her, my close friend(let's call her RM) So anyway, there somethings am not interested in.. Gagets (Computes, iPods etc) & Designers(Gucci, Bvlgari, Givenchy etc) Not that am absolutely ignorant in those sectors, am just not intrested-so the nitty gritty i don't know. HE and RM are well vast in those areas, an thus have discussions and excitement over such stuff. Me, myself, i just sit quietly, going "ooh" "aaah" "mmhm" when appropriate. And i end up feeling like, if there was to be, a 'modern day miss-independent HouseWife' ....IT SUCKS!!! Feel stupid, and inadequate at THOSE MOMENTS!! YUCK, I HATE IT!!!! I wanna cry, then that makes me feel even DuMber... Esp. cause AM NOT!!! But it always happens like that...in those moments.

Title.. Urrm.. Dunno

Was facebooking.. And realiz'd i don't talk to 92% of the peep... So was 'removing friends' but didn't finish... Cause well.. Its mean.. And too long a process, i got bored. But i've lost loadsa friends.. My fault..i think. Maybe theirs. Dunno what to do..

Latest UHONDO!! Hihi!

Hope 'uhondo' means what i hope it means.

Well.. School open'd.. [and haven't finished my assignment, and am in bed]
Went to Boyfie's house on Wednesday-slept over....NYAM!!!! We fought at some point... A big fight-tears, screaming, the works! Hate when we fight, its exhausting. So missed out on 'its-almost-morning-sex' But its cool, Boyfie more than made up for the fight... Mmmmhmm!!

Haven't gone out much, only some random Thursday, but the Boyfriend wasn't around.. So dudes were acting all groopy-really uncomfortable. Some nigga spank'd me, and blamed alchohol..YUCK!! Then i wanna dance.. This my jam.. I wanna dance BY MYSELF!!! But niggas wanna grind... And they be FREAKING HARD..pressing there DISGUSTING throbbing tool all up in my space. MOVE OFF PUNK!! So i REALLY miss'd HIM then!!!
My roomie has a THICK BLUNT, we need to smoke...haven't gotten high in A WHILE!! Then, i went to Lé Toi, (hihi) FINALLY added one more pair of SKINNIES to my wardrobe..YAAAY! Also bought the cutest brown rastafarie (sp?) hat! :) But i had to leave behind the SEXIEST ANKLE BOOTS, cause didn't have enough money. Boyfie said we COULD MAYBE MIGHT go back for them, split the cost... Fingers Cross'd!!
...boyfie sounds shady...hihi! Think ama go back to 'HE'

WE MOVED HOUSE!!! I NOW LIVE IN ATHI RIVER!!! In a big, unfinished house... FUN TIMES!! And all our stuff's in boxes, cause ma papz wants to put floor tiles, then wardrobes.. I like the house!! We ALL like the house!

I've lost my POOCH!!! Finally, diligently did sit-ups.. And then bought a SEXY COSTUME to show off my LACK OF a pooch. Then they say 'El Nino' .. :( But i've lost weight...SUCKS....haven't been eating too well. Wanna add alittle more.. Fill out my clothes!!
..oh, am back at the Hostel... Big Woop!
THE END!!

GOD IS REAL SMART!!

As tha title suggests, God is REAL smart. He planned out this "He-She Thing" from the VERY GET GO!!! From creation... Even slightly before that. Everything with all the He-People on earth, compliments the She-People on earth. (hehe... He-People..) But God not only made us to suppliment each other, but He also made us SIMILAR in some aspects of ourselves. Eg: Guys all stress about providing (for themselves or for the peep around them) FINANCIALLY. And girls all stress about providing EMOTIONALLY. This not to say a girl can't provide financially, neither am i implying a dude can't provide emotionally. It jus comes more naturally for one than the other. But PROVISION is on the mind of hes as well as shes.
With God, doing it how He planned it, all aspects of Our lives fit PERFECTLY!!!! Perfectly!
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Like ladies, tha GUYS SHOULD CHASE YOU!!!! Asin, REALLY CHASE YOU!! I say give them a DELIBARATE OBVIOUS HARD TIME!!!!! ..relax gentlemen...ladies, don't get conceited now... Cause, am realizing that this is how God intended it. Guys are easily distracted. So if he chases and you keep running:
-You can sift through all the lame-dudes that may want some of you, be left with the good guy(s)
-Dudes can decide how badly they want this girl.
Cause you can both get sex anywhere, am talking if you want more....
Even once your his 'significant other', and he yours, ladies i still say don't make it too easy for him.

Now, this isn't no 'miss-independent, female-empowerment, free the girl-child' post (think those have been over-done) am jus stating the process i've come to understand is God's plan...

....Jacob worked for FOURTEEN YEARS on Racheal's dad's farm, so that he could eventually marry her.

'Wives submit to your husbands...'
This is to be an act of love not oppresion.
'Husbands love your wives...'
Now cause this bugger chased you like MaRRD and whilst doing that showed you over & over how much he wants you, and more importantly how much he loves you. Thus, when y'all say "I do" you, the damsel, will feel loved and safe enough to 'submit' to this He-person. As a show of your love and respect for him. This is in no way meant to degrade the woman, nor elevate the man..its jus that if a man loves and cares for his woman, the woman should reciprocate his love with respect shown through submission. Cause women need to be LOVED more than anything, men need to be RESPECTED more than anything.

See God's logic...? He made man and woman to be together. Fashioning women pre-desposed to submission. And fashioning men pre-desposed to love one woman.
[Some of y'all may be wondering 'Guys, one woman? But they cheat' First, we both cheat... Secondly, when a guy truly loves a girl, for real, she's all he sees]

As long as we understand and follow the process God put in place, we will indeed live happily ever after!!

Aah! Puu!

Today i realized i slightly resent my friends... Slightly, i use lightly.. And its not all my friends.
Cause, we don't talk much since HE became my boyfriend, and at first thought its cause we get so wrapped-up in each other we forget all else. But i've realized its cause my friends don't wanna get to know HIM. They've already labelled HIM and put HIM in a mould, that they don't see HIM as i do, even remotely. They ask, "Hey, how's the Boyfriend?" but they really don't care or wanna know.. Am not the if-you-don't-like-my-man-i-hate-you typa person, but if you don't even try to get to know HIM, even if its cause you wanna know what i like or whatever, then now how's that gonna work? What's funny is, i've sat and listened to many of them talk about there significant others MANY TIMES-and didn't mind at all-jus thought i'd be able to do the same with my HIM... But cause HE ain't from 'their crew' they don't care. HE even got saved, and none of my christian buddies wanted to talk to HIM show HIM a thing or two about Jesus. Nah, they're like "why can't HE talk to so one else?" What tha Heck??!! Can't even be happy that someone has found The Lord. Maybe am overreacting (is that supposed to be one word? Yah, looks right, or not?) but i've always felt like i have to work so much harder than most to keep my friendship with 'those friends' going.. But am done, cause i care for HIM soo much more. Plus, there's only so much i can do.. so ama loose some friends, probably already have.. But hey, at least i got HIM... And my 'other' group of friends.

...this post is weird, not sure i've written it as i wish it to be interpreted.. Am not bitter or anything, jus tired and done.